Exhauting!

I don't know how the hell I managed to do it but I just went and had a massive heart to heart with my mum. I never usually tell her anything but we were talking then all of a sudden I was telling her how much I hate psychiatrists and stuff. I then got really fucking brave and spiled my guts about almost everything. I showed her my diary, the really bad parts. The bits that spoke about the voices, the other world and worst of all the violent images and urges I have. She now sees why I hate psychiatrists and pretty much everyone else.

She was shocked to say the least and told me that I NEED to do something about it and fast. She seems to be terrified that I'm about to go murder someone. She told me that she suspects I have schizophrenia and most definitely some sort of personality disorder...just great. She was once a psychiatric nurse so ya know. She's going to go to a doctor about me and demand that something is done but they don't listen to me so why would they listen to her?

I can't believe I told her so much stuff, I even mentioned the purging but said it really quickly and I bet that is the last thing on her mind. She certainly doesn't see me as her sweet and innocent little girl anymore. I went out the front door and she almost had a heart attack...she probably thinks of me as a right monster.


I've stayed up all night again and now that I've told mum all that, I'm absolutely shattered. I need to go to bed not just for sleep but to stop myself from binging even more. I'm bloated and I have stomach cramps as I haven't purged the last lot of food.

I wish I hadn't of told mum now...here comes the guilt, paranoia, fear, anxiety and everything else.

Bed Time!