Last night. (Edited)

Last night was a nightmare.
I cut REALLY badly but was too weak and pathetic to tell my mum so she could take me to the hospital.
Instead I told my auntie this morning then went to the health centre. The nurse said I was incredibly lucky cause I was extremely close to blood vessels, nerves and veins so I'm pretty lucky I'm alive.
I needed stitches but it was too late and she told me they would likey do more harm than good cause it could nick a blood vessel or nerve and they couldn't take the risk.
I've been told I'll be left with severe scaring and I was ordered to see the doctor this afternoon. I have an appointment in an hour and the nurse said that by the looks of things I should most definitely be back on medication.
I have to go back to the nurse on Thursday to get my arms seen to cause they're in a bad way. I can barely move my arms cause she bandaged them up so much.

Medication might not be a bad idea cause at this rate I'll be dead by the end of the week. I've told my auntie not to tell my mum cause I can't have her knowing about this and I've only told my auntie the basics.

I can't get on THIN again cause of server issues or something along those lines but if anyone who reads this that's on THIN then know that I'm alive and I also want to thank people for their support last night.


EDIT:  I went to the doctor who has put me back on medication. My anti-psychotics are double the dose of when I was taking them before a few months back and I'm also back on anti-depressants. He was hesitant giving me medication because of the risk of me overdosing, lets just say my medical record isn't a pretty picture. 
I feel like I'm right back at square one and I feel like the world's biggest failure. I know I need to pick myself up from this but what if I can't? The doc wants me to get help as soon as I move but he himself admitted that I'm in a difficult situation what with having to study and everything surrounding that and then getting help on top of that is very risky.
I can't fuck this up again, I seriously can't. I need to get a fucking grip and fast but it's so difficult. I'm firmly set in my self destructive ways again.
FAILURE!