Sea monster please don't eat me

"Fatso"
"Sea monster please don't eat me"
"Looks like a sea monster running to eat someone"
"I see your true colours too, is FAT considered a colour"
"Are you a female or a dude? I can't tell you are so fucking ugly, I tend to think you're a shim"
"Please stop eating and drinking and die already. Please? Pretty please with no sugar on top?"
"I guess she realised how fat and ugly she really is"

Message heard, loud and clear.

FAT FAT FAT!!!

I don't know what to do! In 3 weeks I am going to Nepal with my boyfriend and I will meet all of his family, movie star friends and not to forget, his huge politician father. How can I go when I look like this? I'm fucking huge and I don't want to see his fucking hot as fuck ex girlfriends who are some iconic bollywood sex icon.

It's going to be so hot and I won't even be able to wear shorts or t-shirts cause of all my fucking scars. I'm gonna have to wear long sleeves at all times and tights. I have to lose as much weight as possible in 3 weeks so from now on I am restricting hardcore. It's going to be difficult though cause I have done nothing but binge for months and it is blatantly obvious because I am HUGE. FAT FAT FAT!

I wish I could just cut off all this fat. Fuck it, I am going to buy so many diet pills tomorrow and EPHEDRINE! Got to go search for ephedrine, right now.

Time for an update?

I was just watching 'Awkward' and for some reason I thought I would write a blog update.

Money things are finally sorted and they are pretty much throwing money at me for being 'mentally disabled'. For nearly a year I have went without money and now all of a sudden ESA and DLA are throwing money at me. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing but I don't really know how to feel about it.

Last week was my final psychotherapy group day, yep that's the 6 months done. I pretty much fell apart after it ended but I kept it together till I was out of there when I probably should have told them how I felt about it. I have a follow up appointment in about 2 months and they will see how I'm doing and offer other group therapy if needed. I also have an appointment with a new psychiatrist on the 26th, which unfortunately is next week! I am shitting myself because I hate seeing new psychiatrists and I have already made my mind up, all psychiatrists are fucking assholes! Doesn't help that I need my meds changing and I know this Dr Suresh Bheemaradi (or however you fucking spell it) is going to be the same as Dr fucktard Muir and say that I need to relax and get over it. Argh, I fucking hate psychiatrists!

That's all I feel like saying at the moment.
Back to 'Awkward' (the best show ever).