I am still alive.

I am so sorry I have just abandoned this blog, I forgot about it for while and haven't been assed to write on here. I am going to start posting regularly again cause I need a good outlet.

Things have been rough, I won't lie. There's been many suicide attempts, self harm, binges, purges, drinking, smoking, fighting etc.

I am currently at a mentalization group at psychotherapy every Tuesday for 6 months and it is going really well. The majority of people in my group get on which is great and there's this one woman who has a lot of the same issues as me and we think alike. Having someone there who understands is really helpful, like we can almost read each others minds, it's freaky at times.

Me and my boyfriend are still living together and still a couple...kind of. Shit is a bit up in the air at them moment and I don't know what's happening as of yet. He has one idea and my mind changes every 5 minutes.

I got accepted to a different university to do human embryology and developmental biology which I'm meant to be starting in September this year but I'm not too sure if I'm going to be well enough yet.

Last week I was at the hormone clinic and I've got very high prolactin levels and I won't be able to have kids with this. They seem to think I have a tumour on my pituitary gland. The treatment for the prolactin thing, I can't have because it causes mental health problems and with my history they probably will never be able to give me it. The other treatment is birth control but obviously I won't be able to get pregnant on that either. If my blood tests show that my prolactin levels are still high I will have to get a brain scan and shit. It's the last thing I need to be honest.

Life right this second is getting a bit better but I badly want to self harm and the only reason I haven't yet is because my boyfriend will notice and I don't want anyone knowing.

Okay, off I go because I need a cig.
Hope you are all doing well.