Can things ever get better?

I need a distraction so here goes. I'm not long out of hospital as I was taken in last night cause I overdosed (not majorly) and cut. The Intensive Home Care Treatment Team were meant to be taking care of me and making sure I was safe but they just dropped me off at home and said they would see me tomorrow even after my self harm suppert worker telling them that she was really worried about me and that I wasn't safe if I came home but did they listen? No of course they didn't. Guess I need to fight this alone seen as everyone else doesn't give a shit. Think I might go home tomorrow until the medication takes effect and I'm feeling a bit better and not planning ways to kill myself at every opportunity. If I had decent razors right now then I would be in a much worse state.

Part of me wants to be left alone to go into total self destruct mode and the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because of my family as I know they would be completely devastated my death and I'm not willing to put them through that amount of hurt.

I just don't know what the fuck to do anymore, I'm drowning in all these feelings and because I have fucking Borderline Personality Disorder all my emotions are hightened so it's more intense for me and so fucking difficult to deal with. I'm doing my best to fight this but it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I don't want to live anymore, that much I know.

This eating disorder is in full force aswell. I had £10 left in my account and a normal person would buy food seen as I have none but no not me, I bought cigs, Pepsi Max and chewing gum cause that's totally going to last me for 2-3 weeks. My flatmates cooked and there's soup left for me but I can;t face eating. I've also now run out of two sets of my pills so I really need to get some more tomorrow although I have no idea how cause I'm only seeing a psychiatric nurse tomorrow and they can;t prescribe medication, it needs to be a psychiatrist that does that but hopefully they'll figure something out. I don't even know if they will give me pills seen as I overdosed last night but I need my medication I realise that now.

I'm hoping on going home tomorrow but that means having to borrow money from one of my flatmates so I can get a train home. Home is the best way for me right now cause I'm less likely to kill myself or hurt myself there. It also give the medication a chance to take effect properly in a safe environment. The Intensive Home Care Treatment Team can go fuck themselves cause they clearly don't give a fuck if I'm alive or not.

I would like to think things can get better but every inch of me is saying that this is it and that it will never get better. People keep telling me it will get better but I just can't believe that right now with the way I'm feeling. I took my medication almost an hour ago so hopefully it will start to take effect soon.