I think I might need help.

The binging and purging is getting out of control and with it comes the overwhelming self hate which is building each day, making me want to self harm an extraordinary amount.

I know deep down that everything is getting worse and out of control but I keep telling myself it'll be fine...denial basically.

I mean what's the point in going to the doctor? I'm moving to another city in September and I'll be back at uni which has the potential of making things worse but that's not really the point. I've been waiting months now for an appointment at psychotherapy and am still waiting despite me being put up the waiting list, having a really bad self harm episode and attempting suicide.
So it's not like I'm going to get help with this eating disorder before September if my other issues haven't been dealt with yet.

Also I'm really fucking fed up with psychiatrists/psychologists and the fucking rest of them. I'm an impossible patient and even more so since my anger got worse cause I completely shut down and also with not liking people very much it makes it almost impossible. I can change my mind about someone very quick and it doesn't really take a lot for me to dislike a person...yeah I'm well aware that I'm a bitch.

I've almost accepted that I will most likely have to live this way for the rest of my life and never get any decent help.

Now if you excuse me I'm away to eat till I die.

This blog has become so depressing. I'll be surprised if anyone still reads this.
Sorry.