Put me out my misery?

I don't know how I feel or what's going on and I don't particularily want to either.

Ate around 3000-4000 calories on binge food today.
I have substantial urges to cut.

I went out with my brother for our walk then when we were in the car he waved to the guy who sexually abused me when I was 9 fucking years old who also lives on the same street as me. I so badly wanted to ask my brother if he knew that prick but I completely froze as I was so shocked.
My brother knows fuck all about the abuse as he himself is a violent mind fuck that I wish was dead but still it really fucking got to me.
Does he know him and talk to him?
It would be kinda ironic if he and my brother knew eachother and were somewhat friends...two men that made my life a living hell for years and still do till this day. That would fit into my life pretty well as everything seems to be so fucked up.
It's bad enough both of them living so close to me when I have been abused in all shapes and forms by the pair of them.
I'm confused and hurt and I shouldn't be.


Just tell me I'm an oversensitive bitch and I'll shut up.

It doesn't shock me that I really want to hurt myself right now. I want to disappear.
I refuse to cry yet would happily cut. FFS.

 Someone please kill me? I'll rob a bank and pay you.