Bubbles.

I know I haven't updated in a long time but I've been busy, stressed out and haven't really felt like talking about how I've been or feeling. Even right now I'm a bit apprehensive to talk about it cause I feel like I'm really sensitive and that anything could burst this very thin bubble I'm in at the moment and if that bubble bursts then all sorts of messy thing will come flowing out.

I want to self harm, that's what the voice in my brain just told me and I don't know if that voice is really saying what I feel or want to do subconsciously or whatever.

I keep getting text messages which I love cause I feel wanted and loved and because no one barely ever texts me, it's nice to get a heap in one night. I'm clinging on to people for sanity at the moment instead of bottling everything up which I still do to the extremes but not so much I don't think. Yesterday I had a really difficult day and I felt like the entire world was against me and that no one could ever understand how I was feeling and it was making me so angry, bitter, upset and alone.

This morning was terrible because I ended up almost crying in my maths tutorial because I can't do math and as soon as I see numbers my brain screams and me then shuts down which means nothing sinks in and I end up learning fuck all. Fucking failure. Nikki stop.

Need to go because I'm getting triggered and I don't want to cut again or feel worse.