Excited.

The days are gradually getting better and easier again thank fuck. Uni is stressful but that's the same for nearly every student, I just have several mental health problems to contend with on top of it all. I did shit on my math assessment tonight as I only got 30% or something crappy like that. I got an email from my math lecturer saying my performance in tests were poor and that I needed to come along for extra tuition. They're basically confirming what I've been saying for ages; I'm shit at math. Oh well, it's not like everyone is fabulous at math and I am good at Chemistry, I mean I am doing a degree on it so I must be alright at it. It feels like I'm doing a math degree cause all my work is for that but I'm getting by...just.

I went dancing tonight and it was great fun as always. It was the beginners contemporary tonight and I found it so much easier than the first time I went, maybe because I have been to the advanced class and to a fair few other dance classes as well. I feel like I'm becoming a better dancer and it's a great feeling. I do 5 classes a week although I would like to do more but ballet is at 6pm on a Monday and I have a History of Science lecture that doesn't finish till 6 so it kinda sucks. I wanted to do tap but I'm also trying to make time for my heavy work load and having a bit of time to myself aswell.

I am so excited for tomorrow cause I'm going to the theatre to watch a dance show. It's choreographed by a guy who choreographed the royal ballet and he's very well known so it should be amazing then the day after I have a professional contemporary workshop for two hours in the afternoon. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am for this. I feel like this is a one off experience...ah I think I might explode with excitment. Dancing makes me happy if you haven't gathered already.

My mum and auntie are coming down at the weekend and for once I am really looking forward to it. My relationship is so much better with my mum since I moved out again and I talk to my auntie on the phone several times a day. I feel quite lonely down here so I think I'm just looking foward to seeing some familiar faces and being able to be myself completely. I'm going shopping when they arrive and I'm going to buy a really nice jacket and some new converse, yay. I'm also going to treat them to a meal out and we've decided on a really nice Italian resteraunt. Yeah I'm somewhat scared of the food and the calories and people watching me eat but I refuse to let it destroy my weekend.

Talking about this reminds me of how alone I feel here. I don't really talk to anyone apart from small talk. No wonder I phone my auntie all the time. I have no friends in class, I have no close friends in my flat, I never see my best friend cause we're both busy with uni and my other best friend lives hours away. I might talk to my new self harm support worker about it cause I'm sure she'll be able to help in some way. Penumbra (the self harm group) hold an art group so I might see if I can get into that. I hate feeling this alone, I feel empty. I wish I had more friends or someone to talk to. Oh well, I'll try to keep my head up and besides tomorrow is the show then wednesday is the workshop and it's only 3 days after that I'll get to see my mum and auntie. I might even go out Friday night to chillax and have a good time.

Sorry for the long blog, I guess I just needed to talk.
See ya.