I stayed at the crisis centre last night because I was a suicidal mess and still am to be honest. Ah fuck I just got a phone call from the police so my anxiety is through the roof once again. Great now the suicidal thoughts are even worse. Anyway as I was saying, I stayed at the crisis centre last night after being at the mental hospital for 4 hours waiting for an assessment and they told me that I am extremely fragile and need support...ya think? I just got back from the crisis centre and I have an appointment with them tonight at 7 to make a crisis plan, basically putting measures in place so I don't kill myself. I've already arranged to go home tomorrow for the weekend which gets me away from this place and the stress of having to deal with my room and the police.
My auntie and nephew are coming down next Friday for the day then I'm going home with them but I feel like I needed something to focus on before then hence me going home this weekend. Fuck, I've never felt this kind of anxiety in my life. My room mate is fucking nuts. She has been acting strange since she found out what happened to me but not necessarily in a bad way I think, just in a weird way.
I'm pissed that the police phoned me cause I was doing moderately ok before they called and now I'm a mess again, thanks. I haven't eaten yet and really don't want to. If I had my way I wouldn't eat at all but so far people have been shoving food in front of me, staring at me and telling me to eat! I don't want to though, I have no appetite whatsoever. Oh and I have lost weight cause I got weighed during my medical examination at the police station and even though it was really late and I had a ridiculously heavy dinner, I was still lighter so fuck knows how much weight I have lost if I was to weigh myself in the morning. I'll weight myself when I go home tomorrow, fingers crossed I have lost a fair amount of weight.
No comments:
Post a Comment