So, I'm back in my room and not having a major mental breakdown...yet. I honestly have the best friends ever. They came in to my room earlier, set up my bed and pinned photos and a letter up right next to my bed. The letter is one of the sweetest kindest things I have ever read. They told me how brave I have been and that they love me and will always be there for me. I then went on Facebook and got a message from my ex listing a heap of things he loves about me, I'll copy and paste it here.
Things I Love About Nikki...
1. Insanely cute, sweet, and charming, once she opens up a lil.
2. She appreciates the smaller things; the beauty in things, that most oversee, like trees.
3. Her voice is incredible; her giggles, laughs, and other little things have a habit of melting me.
4. She's defensive over what she truly cares about; the things that reallymean something to her, she'll defend, even at her own cost.
5. She has an awesome sense of humor; she'll get (most of) my silly crappy jokes and smart-ass comments.
6. She is clumsy as hell sometimes, and I have to admit, it's kinda cute, but, that said, she can SOMETIMES be graceful, and those times are particularly special. There's something very quirky, raw, and natural about this side of her, and I love it.
7. Her capacity to love, is so impressive... How much she can care about someone; about me, just blows me away.
8. Her brains! She's very smart, and that's always been something I've loved about her. She's typically modest, but I know what I'm on about; that girl's gotta brain.
9. I love that she relates to me, even with the bad stuff; she understands alot of the things that terrify me, and she is just so incredible with all that understanding.
10. The Nikki that gets hidden; the one I know better than probably anyone; she is what I love about Nikki.
You rock, even WITH your flaws, before you say anything. Sometimes it's the flaws that you even more beutiful to me.
Hope that brought a few smiles to you... Which reminds me...
11. Gorgeous smiles!!!
Is that not so sweet? These are the kind of things that are clinging me on to life. I went to student counselling today and they have booked me an emergency appointment with a doctor cause I want to die rather a lot. A few hours ago I was 100% sure that in a few days I was going to be dead but I realise how much I mean to my friends and family and once again they are keeping me alive. I've never been so supported before by friends. Yeah the police are wankers but my friends are fucking amazing.
Being in this room is so difficult because I can still smell and see him in here. I have no idea how I am going to sleep in here tonight or if I will even be alive by tomorrow morning. I'm honestly trying my best but everything is so difficult. Everytime I go out I have panick attacks and every man I see I instantly think of HIM. I know I have to be strong but fuck this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.
Aww that's so good you have their support. Sometimes it can take something really shit to realise just how much people love you and care for you. That's so good how lovely your friends are being about it all :)
ReplyDeleteJust take it bit by bit, step by step, and you will feel more comfortable and less panicky someday :( sorry you had to go through this all :( xxxx
That's amazing!! I hope you're doing better than you have been over the past few days, Nikki. Remember to breathe. Hugs and kisses!!
ReplyDeleteChristina