Basically the title says it all.
I'm going to bed before I smash some shit up. I don't even know why I'm like this.
Edit: Oh and I feel myself slipping again as I've been picking at my arm and not letting this one cut heal from over 2 months ago and I also took off 2 of my toe nails tonight...disgusting I know. I did this a lot when I was a kid and still do it now and again but very rarely...hmm, is that even self harm, probably is but I'm not counting it as. I want to cut, I spent hours thinking about cutting last night. I don't think I want to slip up after nearly 2 months self harm free.
That voice in my head keeps telling me to just do it and get it over with and then we can get back to usual...me self harming all the time. I was stood in the sun today, absolutely roasting cause I had a long sleeve top on with leggings and shorts and at that moment I was wishing that my arms weren't covered in scars, my whole body for that fact. Most of the time I don't give a shit about that...I don't give a shit right now.
I need to go to bed before I really fuck up.
I hope things get better for you. tRy to hang in there and take care of yourself. Be proud of the two months SI free :) I know it's hard but try to distract yourself if you can, sleep is always a great option.
ReplyDeletewow, well done for going 2 months, i'm sureee you can keep that up, you just gotta try really really hard, but i bet it's a lot easier than it was before to avoid cutting (even if you can't see this at the moment)
ReplyDeleteplease try to ignore the voice in your head.
hope you feel better soon, take care, xxxxx